Most of you are probably expecting pictures and updates on the girls....which I WILL get to, I promise. All of our pictures and videos are on Leigh's computer, which is rarely at home due to school.
I just wanted to put down my thoughts on breastfeeding. The most exhausting part of the past 4 months has been breastfeeding. Many people told me it would be difficult for the first 2 months and then it gets "easy". For me, the difficulty has not subsided, but it has just become routine. Two days ago we had to start supplementing with formula because I don't produce enough milk because of my PCOS. The day after the girls were born a lactation consultant came to my hospital room and helped me with pumping. She knew right away that I would struggle with sufficient milk supply, but I was willing to do everything I could to breastfeed my little girls. I knew the benefits, especially for preemies. Since the girls ate so little for awhile, I was able to build a stock of frozen breast milk. A couple weeks ago, that supply was dwindling to almost nothing. I knew I needed to figure out something. I felt like I talked to ignorant person after ignorant person in hopes of some helpful advice. This was one scenario:
I was in an office talking to a woman and asked her about supplementing with formula--what type is best and how I should implement it. Her response was: "You have plenty of milk", "You just have to keep breastfeeding", "You need to stop giving them bottles-talk to the doctor about that", "Don't give them formula". I tried to explain over and over about how I just don't produce enough milk, that I have tried SO hard to get the supply I have now, and I just wasn't going to produce more. And she just looked at me like I was a young, dumb mother and kept saying "you have plenty of milk".
These people have made me feel like a failure. Made me feel like an awful mother. Made me feel like a quitter. But, I know I am not. I understand that breastfeeding is fabulous and most women can produce enough milk, but others need to understand that I am not most women in that respect. It just bugs me that I have been proud of myself for even making it thus far because of how difficult it has been, to only be talked down to when needing advice. Luckily, I have had a few people that have supported me in this whole dilemma and have made me feel like I am doing the best I can for my girls (thank you!). If you are one of those women that look at those that use formula and judge them or think less of them, then I want you to know that you may not know the whole story. Get the whole story before judging them. Breastfeeding is not for everyone and formula does the job. I was formula fed and I feel like I turned out okay. :) I am going to continue breastfeeding as much as I can, but formula is going to have to be used also.
Tomorrow I WILL have pictures/videos and the girls' 4 month update!
